I feel a little like I fell off the earth with my blogging. I had so many things to post and then I just seemed to keep getting behind and wasn't sure where to start. So I guess I will just dive in and catch up.
Well on the note of speaking of falling off, I fell off my horse last week when he spooked. Which has given me a little extra free time to sit around and ponder.
I hurt my back, when I fell off the side of him and hit the mounting block. And it hit me square on my spine in my lower back. Needless to say that did not feel to good. But thankfully nothing was broken.
It really brought me head on to a crossroad.
I finally decided to throw in the towel with this horse. He is just way to much horse for me. To back track a little bit... I have not had much luck finding a horse this year so I sought out the help of a Horse Trainer. But honestly that hasn't worked out so great for me either.
My horse Percy is just a hot mess. He is nervous and pushy and just not a good horse at all for a new rider. He is awful on trails and very green as a trail horse. Pretty much the opposite of what I was looking for. Tomorrow we will be taking him back to the trainer and hopefully she will be able to get him sold to someone who will be able to handle him.
This whole experience oddly enough had me thinking of the little girl from the polar express.
Have you ever doubted yourself. This is something I have learned about myself recently this year while I have been trying to find a horse. I have noticed that I know right away about a horse. In each case that we have found a horse that has not been the right horse for me. I knew as soon as I looked at the horse and handled him. But for some reason I tend not to trust what I think. I second guess myself. And I don't go with my gut. Have you ever not trusted your gut feeling before? I seem to be easily swayed by what people tell me rather than sticking to what I believe.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
The little girl has her ticket punched by the conductor and he punches LEAD. And by the end of the movie she learns she can really trust herself. I think that is where I have found myself. My ticket says LEAD. I am really going to start trusting myself. I am a smart girl and I can make my own decisions. There is nothing wrong with getting the opinion of an expert. But when it comes down to it I have to make the final decisions. My husband has a saying that he tells us all the time and he says "You have to make your own plans, because when you let someone else do that for you, you know what they have planned for you?? Nothing Good!!"
And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Unfortunately I often learn from the school of hard knocks. I saved up and waited to buy my first horse. He cost me a quite a bit with training included. I am not going to get all that money back. Hopefully I will be able to sell him for almost what I paid. But with this economy there are certainly no guarantees of that. And for now I have to sit on the side lines and let me back get better before I can ride again.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7
I am really disappointed with the horse trainer I just don't understand how she thought this would be a good beginner horse, I could have gotten really hurt and I trusted her judgement. I am really learning to find my voice. And for that I am really thankful. Sometimes we need a big thing to happen in order to get us to move or in my case Speak Up!!
Sometimes there is just no easy way to learn something and sometimes you get a little bruised and bumped along the way.
One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
I think until these bumps and bruises heal I am going to take a break from learning the hard way. If you have one of those easy buttons from the commercial I need to borrow it hehehe...
Hope your week is going well and is a nice smooth ride with no bumps :)